“Hello, Victoria?” 

“Yeah, hi Millie! It’s good to hear from you. What’s going on?”

“Remember back in February when we got together in Arizona at that Airbnb in the country?”

“Sure do…Vino y Vaca.”

“What?”

“Vino y Vaca…the name of the Airbnb was called Vino y Vaca…it means “wine and cow” in Spanish.”

“Ok…whatever you say. Anyway, were you and “Bahh-ry” (I love how Easterners pronounce Barry) serious about joining us on the Outer Banks in North Carolina?”

“Oh…well… yeah, of course. We’ve heard so much about the Outer Banks, that it’s on our bucket list of places to see.”

“Well, we’ve rented a nine-bedroom house right on the beach! It has a private pool, hot tub, and beach access. We hope our kids and their families can join us along with some other friends. We’d love to have you guys too! Oh Victoria, get this. In the kitchen there are three separate sinks, three dishwashers, two ovens, two microwaves and plenty of counter space to prepare meals!” Millie quickly catches herself, realizing who she is talking to about meal preparation, “Oh, but you don’t have to bring any food. We got that covered already.” (I smile. I love it when people remember that I am a horrible cook, chef, baker, and recipe-follower.) 

So, we pulled the trigger. It took us three days to drive there from Kansas; into Missouri; through Illinois; across Indiana; parts of Ohio; then Kentucky; into beautiful West Virginia; followed by Virginia; and finally, North Carolina. Our kids kept hounding us, “why don’t you fly?” That’s not the cowboy way. We have a friend who drives it in ONE day! Not us, we’re crazy but not that crazy. 

Once we arrived on Sunday at Corolla Beach (north of Kitty Hawk), we had one more task to do before we continued to the destination of the Airbnb called Dragonfly Knoll. We had to deflate all four tires on Blanca (4x4 F-150 truck). We now had eight miles of driving literally on the unmaintained beach. Millie had told us to keep an eye out for the wild horses that freely roam the area and are protected from any human contact by a law enforcement of at least fifty feet. We immediately saw four different groups of them, some with small colts. That was cool. 

Upon arrival after warm hellos and hugs, we were shown our room and bathroom in this huge house. I then asked Millie, “so who all are coming?” 

“Oh, there’s me and Claire of course (2); you guys (2); Nate and Steph with their four kids (6); Jarrod and his wife and baby (3): Sean and his wife (2): Ryan and his wife (2); Claire’s brother Jim, his son Josh, and a family friend named Dennis (3); and Allan and Rose may join us later (2). “

I’m quietly thinking to myself…Holy Crap!…that’s a lot of people in one house! Let’s see if my math is correct…two, four, ten, …carry the one…yep. Twenty-two! But we truly love each and every one of this group and feel more like family members than friends. This will be fun. It depends on our attitude.

Everyone had their own space to hang out; rest; read; go fishing; swimming; beach combing; or whatever. There were no expectations of participating in a group activity. Case in point happened to me all the time: 

                        “You coming to the beach with everyone?” – Nope

                        “Want to go swimming in the pool right now?” – Nope

                        “Want to play some board games or cards?” -Nope

                        “Want to go to the coffee shop in town?” -Nope

                                          …”I’m going to sit on my fat butt in this patio chair on the outside deck and read my book. Thank you very much.” 

Only at meals were you expected to either help prepare, clean up, or reply “yes ma’am” if asked to do a quick task. Otherwise, you were on your own schedule. I really enjoyed that freedom. 

Soon, it was time to head back home and have a day or two off before Mother’s Day. So, we left on Wednesday morning with a tearful goodbye. On the way home, I started to analyze this experience. What did I learn from it? How can I apply the life lessons that I felt? What intrigued me the most?

Here are some of them. 

• Loosen up and don’t be so regimented when wanting to organize workspace or chores. It’ll get done. But not maybe how you think it should be or in your time allotment. Whew. This was the hardest for me. Steph (Millie’s daughter), pulled me aside and basically told me this in love. She was right. I had to take a breath and step back from the fire. 
• Stop, look, and listen. Really listen. Keep eye contact. Absorb the conversation completely. Whether it’s a three-year old giving you some pretend “deer bologna” from a make-believe deer hunt, or a couple from South Africa relating their first-hand experience of apartheid. Really listen. 
• It’s perfectly okay not to join the crowd. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t offer excuses. Don’t offer an apology. If you don’t want to do something, then don’t do it. If the person asking doesn’t understand, that’s not on you. That’s on them. 
• It was so interesting to me to see the architectural designs of the houses there. All of them in this area were at least three stories tall with either the bottom floor empty, on tall stilts or at least empty and covered up with lattice work on the outside.  This was of course because of the constant threat of the sea flooding inland. 

I hope you have enjoyed visiting the Outer Banks with me!

“Clowns, Idiots, and Jerks”

Those are my go-to words when people tick me off. And most people tick me off.

And it seems like lately I’m saying them more and more frequently. What’s going on? Haven’t I always had a quick temper? That doesn’t make it right, but haven’t I always let offenders know immediately that they crossed the line with me? Don’t I like being a little intimidating? But why I’m I noticing my attitude and being sensitive to it?  Sensitive to how I come across to others and actually caring?

I believe for one reason, and one reason only.

Under the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I’m realizing that I need an attitude adjustment! The LORD is reminding me each time I spew one of those favorite nouns that I am not being observant or obedient to His example or His scripture.

“Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths..(ouch!)..but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs..(stepping on my toes here LORD)…that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)

I know we are not suppose to add or take away from the Holy Scripture, but I think in my case, I need to go a little deeper and add “Don’t even think it. Stop the cruel remarks before they come out of my mouth”.

Victoria’s Example Number One: Clowns

               “Cut me off in traffic, especially in larger cities, and pull in front of me when there really isn’t any room for your vehicle! Clown! What are you doing? Are you in that big of a hurry?!” I yell out loud with exacerbated hand gestures (yes, my whole hand and not just one of my five fingers)

               Correct response: Forgive me Father. I don’t need to think or say that about that person. I don’t know their circumstances or what is going on in their lives right now, but YOU do. Is it really that big of a deal that I’m making it? No. It’s not. Sorry LORD.

Luke 6:36-37> “Be merciful, as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

Victoria’s Example Number Two: Idiots

               “Leave your unattended, not-pumping-any-gas vehicle at the fuel pump blocking the way while you go inside to purchase snacks! Idiot! I guess it’s all about you. You don’t care that your actions are totally inconsiderate of other people needing fuel! (Again, there are hand gestures to illustrate my inconvenience).

               Correct response: Remind me LORD that YOU love that person the same amount as YOU love me! YOU want them to with YOU in Heaven too. That’s pretty sobering. It’s actually only a couple of minutes. Is it worth confronting that person over a Coke and Twinkies? Nope. Just chill. Read some bumper stickers or people watch. I’m sure I will have a comment about how they are dressed.

2 Peter 3:9>”The LORD is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

Victoria’s Example Number Three: Jerks

“Are you kidding me? Transgenders reading to little kids in public schools or libraries? That’s wrong! Seriously? You think toddlers should decide whether they’re a little boy or a little girl? Didn’t God make that decision already in the mother’s womb? AAGGHH! You stupid jerks!”

Correct response: Father, they are blind to the Truth. They are lost in darkness, just like I once was. Show them the Truth, and the Light. LORD, stop this insanity. Let me be bold and righteous for Your sake.

Ephesians 5:8.”For you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the LORD, live as children of Light.”

So, I’m sincerely trying to stop my unwholesome thoughts the second they pop into my carnal mind. I don’t want to disappoint my Father anymore.

I want to be kinder, ..softer, ..more compassionate, ..more patient, ..more like Him.

Want to join me?

Yesterday was the anniversary of my oldest brother’s fatal car accident. June 13^th, 1976.

Cont. from Part 1 ~ 

And now I was face to face with the man who was driving under the influence of alcohol that night that took my brother’s life. 

However, I felt no dread. 

I felt no anxiety. 

Why? Because, I had already forgiven him twenty-five years earlier in a chance meeting that only the LORD could have arranged. My healing from hate had been completely and totally dissolved when I was instructed by the LORD to forgive him. 

And with that same amazing grace that I was obedient to follow, I was set free too, along with my new friend Doug Henkle. I really do consider him a sweet friend and brother in Christ. He is no longer that person that he was so long ago. 

And thanks be to God, neither am I. 

So, here we are, embracing again in a heartfelt hug that friends give each other when a long span of time has passed between meetings. 

Doug escorted us into a small sitting room between the very walls of the Capitol. Or so it seemed to me to be between the walls. I felt like I was in some sort of catacombs deep under the Vatican. I never would have found this cozy little area in a thousand years. But Doug knew exactly where to go. 

“Doug, what in the world are you doing here?” I smiled as I looked into his gentle face. 

“Well, let me tell you…” and he proceeded to describe the series of events in his life that had brought him from our meeting a quarter of a century ago to this very moment in time. God’s time. Doug was now a Guest Chaplain of the Senate! 

Bear and I shook our heads in amazement. 

We suddenly both knew that we hadn’t arranged anything at all that day. 

God had. 

It was HIS plan all along. We were being only HIS followers of HIS will. 

Doug rose from his chair and stated that it was time to go on up to Senator Larry Alley’s office. 

Boy, it was sweet to have a personal escort up into the upper chambers of the Kansas Senate. Everyone we met either gave Doug a quick hug or at least a genuine “hello”. Everyone. No exceptions. Everyone liked him.

However, we felt so out of place! 

Like a couple of country mice visiting their city kin. Bear was reminded that when he is actually on the Senate floor receiving his award to make sure he doesn’t have his cowboy hat on his head. Check. 

Doug, Bear, and Sen. Larry were standing out in the middle of the floor visiting and admiring the incredibly beautiful architecture inside the Chamber. We were all waiting on the Senate to reconvene after their lunch break. I was sitting the gallery area. 

God had one more little surprise in store for us. 

One of the other Senators approached me and leaned over the railing to speak to me. 

“Say, are you Barry Ward’s wife?”

“Yes, sir. I’m Victoria”

“And did he write a song about being hailed out of his corn crop?” 

“Yes, sir. It’s called ‘Not the Man I Used to Be’”. 

Now, I am totally wondering where this conversation is going.

“Well, I’ll be darned! Don’t you think I should be getting some sort of royalties off that song? ‘Cause I was the crop adjuster at that time and I was the one who drove him off the farm!” joked Senator John Doll from Garden City, KS. 

“Seriously LORD?” I am thinking to myself. How is all of this possible?”  

So, I joked back to him.

“Tell you what. Have your people call my people and we can discuss negotiations. But for now, I know Barry would love to visit with you! Go on over and interrupt those guys” I said pointing to the group standing not too far away. 

I sat there in total silence. 

It was all too much to comprehend in my limited brain. 

However, I knew that without a doubt, it was all in God’s Timing. Thank you JESUS. 

“If you can get me Barry’s accomplishments no later than Sunday afternoon”, Senator Larry Alley (Winfield), told me on the phone on Friday, “I can recognize him on the Senate Floor in Topeka on Tuesday. It’s our final day in session until next January! Here’s my personal email…” 

              “Holy Smokes! Seriously? Uh…you bet! I certainly didn’t expect anything like this…” I stammered into the phone. We were heading up to Kansas City on Monday anyway for a personal week off. We chose KC so we could see the boys and Liz. Topeka would be an easy trip to squeeze in since we’re already that far north. 

              Little did I know just how amazingly the LORD was lining up the blessings for us. The Senate recognition was only being used as a tool to get us to where He was waiting. 

              On Tuesday, we intentionally arrived in Topeka around noon so we could grab some lunch before our scheduled meeting at 1:00pm with Senator Alley. So, we choose a little coffee shop not too far away from the Capitol building. At around 12:15pm, my phone rang with an unknown number displaying a (785) area code. That area code represents northwest Kansas, so suspecting it was a telemarketer, I usually would let it go to my voicemail. However, this time, I slid it over to Bear and mumbled with my mouth full of upside-down cake for him to please answer it. 

              “Hello?...Yes, this is Barry…Doug Henkle? ...Why sure I remember you!...Um, We’re at a coffee shop about six minutes away from the Capitol…Yes…yes, got that…underground parking at the Visitor’s Center… In about twenty minutes..Okay…Thanks, sounds great, see you then.”

              “Who was that?” I asked while wiping off my mouth with a napkin and making sure I hadn’t drop anything on my dress.

              “Doug Henkle”

              I snap my head up and look into Bear’s eyes.

              “THE Doug Henkle? From Garden City? THAT Doug Henkle?” 

              “Well, yeah, I think so…”

              “How in the world would that Doug Henkle know we were going to be at the Senate session today?” 

              “I don’t know…”

              “But wait, is he meeting us there? Inside the building?”

              “Yeah, he said he’d be waiting for us right after we go through security and then he’ll escort us up to the Senator Alley’s office…” 

              “I don’t get it! Is Doug Henkle a Senator? An aide?” 

              “Geez! Vic, I don’t know! What does it matter?” 

              “Because this doesn’t make any sense at all! I’ve not seen Doug Henkle for over twenty years! (actually, later I figured it up to be closer to twenty-plus years!). I don’t even know what he looks like! I won’t be able to recognize him! Oh boy, we need to stop and pray!” 

              So, we did. Even though that made us a little bit late, it was the what we needed to do. Well of course me telling Bear NOT to turn into the underground parking entrance that looked like a one-way exit instead didn’t help our time crunch either. 

              Sure enough, once we parked and checked last minute in the mirror to see if we had anything stuck in our teeth, we walked into the building and found security. On the other side of the security area stood a tall, distinguished gentleman in a business suit watching us and smiling. 

              I smiled back and gave a little wave hoping it was Doug Henkle. Immediately, my mind flashed back to our meeting the very first time we met face to face some twenty-odd years ago. That’s when I revealed to Doug Henkle that I knew his name, where he was from, and where he was at on June 13^th, 1976.

              That was the night he was involved in a fatal car accident that took my oldest brother's life…

(to be continued in Part 2)